Frustration!

Yes, I am absolutely frustrated with myself right now.  I just uploaded all of our pictures from our vacation this week and am absolutely disgusted with the way I look right now.  I know, I know, I know... I shouldn't be so hard on myself since I just had a baby 3 months ago.


However, I know for a fact that I completely sabotaged myself.  In the beginning of my pregnancy, my doc wanted to be super careful to avoid a second miscarriage, so he didn't let me exercise at all.  I totally should have at least kept walking a treadmill, or doing something.  Because I wasn't exercising, I was eating anything and everything, regardless of the lack of nutritional value.  And now, I'm so used to eating the sweets that I'm having a harder time than ever giving them up... UGH.


Could've, should've, would've... those are all well and good, but I have to deal with the here and now, which is I have about 30-35 pounds to lose.  Yes, I know this will take time and a lot of hard work.  This, right here, right now is the beginning of that journey back to a happier, healthier weight.  I've done it before, so I know I can do it again.  

This is my official "before" photo.  I can not wait until my anniversary next year when I will be able to post my official "after" photo in that awesome red dress that is hanging in my closet.  

Wanting to Grow Closer

This past Sunday was an awesome morning at church, but a little scary also.  I felt like God was confronting me and convicting me in some areas, especially when it comes to my daily walk with Him.  I am the WORST at spending time daily in His Word.  I know for a fact that I am saved and am a Christian, but I know that I'm not doing all I should to have a close, personal relationship with God.

The current sermon series at my church is called "Renovations", and the pastors have explored various areas of our lives that need to be "renovated" in order to shine God's light to the world.  This past Sunday's subject was our speech.  When seeing this topic, you automatically think of foul language, etc.  But the message was about our speech in general, about needing to be edifying in what we say to others, and being careful not to tear others down with our words.  I know I can be guilty of this and definitely need to work on it.

In an awesome conversation with a friend that night, I realized that God is trying to "renovate" my life, and it scares me and excites me all at the same time.  I don't know exactly what to do except to move forward as I hear Him speak to me.

I have ordered and received two books that were recommended to me, that I'm hoping will help me on this journey towards growing closer to God.  The first is "Women, Food and God".  The premise of this book is that our lives are reflected in the foods we choose to eat.  You can get a picture of your life by looking at your plate.  This is the first book I am reading as it relates to my current struggle to lose weight.

The second book is "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World."  If you know the story of Mary and Martha in the Bible, you may get an idea of what this book is about.  In a nutshell, Martha was running around like a crazy woman taking care of the needs of the house while Mary simply sat at the feet of Jesus.  Martha wanted Jesus to tell Mary to get up and help her, but Jesus said that Mary was in the best place because she was being still and listening to Him.  I lead a very hectic life with trying to do too many things.  I am looking forward to learning a lot from this book about being still and listening to Jesus in the midst of this crazy thing we call life.